![]() What will you choose to remember about 2014… Ebola? The Olympics? ISIS? Ferguson? Or something more personal, perhaps — a success, a failure? Reaching 400 friends on Facebook or befriending your shadow? Seeing a perspective-shifting movie like Interstellar or experiencing a stellar moment of your own creation? Savoring a delicious dinner with friends or an afternoon spent solo in silence? One thing that resonates with me at this moment is a recurrent theme I’ve heard all year long from people of all ages and stages suffering short term memory loss. It makes sense and is expected from my aging parents, but this forgetting is not discriminating. We all seem to be afflicted by the same ailment: we remember far less than we used to — and it’s annoying, and maybe even scaring, us! So, I wonder whether we’ll remember the calm or the chaos of 2014, or perhaps, nothing at all. They used to teach us that we learn about history so we don’t repeat our mistakes. Stuck in constant war-mode, I have to question this premise (and of course I agree we should study history). Surrounded by an ever-increasing array of distractions on a 24/7/365 basis, our brains have far more to process in far less time. How many photographs did you snap this year? How many emails did you send? We are making more memories than ever before, and remembering far fewer of them. This time of year, I love to slow down and reflect on where I’ve been, what I’ve accomplished and what I’ve learned over the past year. And then choose what to let go of and what to linger on before leaping into the new year. It’s a process that takes some uninterrupted time and space. Choosing to begin this personal ritual on my 300-mile ride home for Christmas, I noticed my mind mirrored the blur of fallow fields and grey winter skies. For a moment, I couldn’t grasp a single story from 2014. My heart raced at the brief experience of a blank brain: the outer world reflected my inner state — Yuk! And then… the race riots in Ferguson burned through, as did letting go my college girl, the totaling of my car, and the weeks of p/t that ensued. It took awhile for me to refocus and retrieve what came next (without cheating and looking at my ical): college apps, snowstorms, and bad news. Eventually, the cream rose and I smiled recalling amazing Circle moments, celebrating glorious graduations and receiving sweet surprises. It was as though the heavier, dark memories remembering was required to make room for the lighter, brighter ones to surface. As we crossed the line into Ohio, brilliant memories radiated through my mind’s eye, accompanied by a beautiful sunset (the first one I had seen in days). Freed by the re-membering, I chose what I wanted to hold onto, what it was time to release and then, perceived space to begin again. “If you look, you will find, with some certainty, that JOY is in the spaces in between. Live them.” Curly Girl (Leigh) Here’s your permission to take a moment for yourself. Sneak away if you have to… Linger in the “in between” for a little while. What do you remember about 2014? What are you ready to release? What are you excited to create in 2015? Here’s to a JOYful new year!
0 Comments
Yesterday was the last sequential day of our lifetime - 12.13.14! My detail-driven 14-year-old illuminated the moment for me last night, as we decorated our Christmas tree. As far as I’m concerned, “the devil’s in the details” — especially this time of year. But, if you’ve been in Circle with me before, you know I relish moments that will never come again.
We live in such a time. A critical moment that will determine the course of our future. Will we wake up to the opportunities presented or go back to sleep and allow this civil war to divide us further? Are we ready to shift from our small worldview of “me” into a larger worldview of “WE”? Our world needs us, now, to view and then act in alignment with our values — to BE who we came to be. On of my favorite moments in Circle is the opening ritual, when we center and focus on our intentions. The tone of the Circle is often catalyzed and crystallized in that moment, often in surprising alignment with the paper agenda on my lap. The synchronicity is awesome. Another amazing moment that occurs opening up group energy fields is when one participant casts a vision we can all see. Last week, a powerful image emerged. I was talking about the power of walking on edges — spaces between self awareness and blind spots, outside of comfort zones — where transformation occurs. Another woman in circle said this: “I think of it like wall-walking: walking around the four walls of a room, holding onto the wall…one is school…turn a corner…the next is a job…the next marriage…a family…and then you’re back at the beginning. And now it’s time for me to stand in the center of the room, with all eyes upon me, moving out of my comfort zone wall-walking.” She cast a vision that was 2big4words! ZIJI is a Tibetan word that means shine or glitter. I’m not talking about bling, but rather an inner confidence that radiates from truly knowing who you are, how you want to be and what you want your life to be like. Living authentically and in alignment with your dreams and desires comes from Ziji. How do you reflect your ZIJI? Reflecting back on 2014, what lessons did you learn? What are you ready to let go of to live the life you desire? Peeking ahead at 2015, how can you live more authentically, in alignment with your desires? This season, step into the center of the room, or out into the street, or glow from your seat at the holiday dinner table. Wherever you choose to stand, allow your inner confidence to shine, shine, shine! We are needed — in all of our radiance — that’s all I know. Join me on my next reach outside my comfort zone: Starting in January, I am excited to create virtual Circles in connection with an interactive course called “MORE!” This is the genius of Diane McDonald, who I am privileged to partner with, and will include teaching, discussion groups, a virtual circle of women for support and coaching opportunities. Are you ready for MORE? I am! Bring it on! Listen in on a free session this Friday @ 11 AM CST. I will be talking about The Power of Women in Circle. It’s free but you must register here: http://myaccount.maestroconference.com/conference/register/J4SY8WZEJHBJ6PE. At all levels from personal to global, we sit across the table (if we dare to get that close) from people with differing views, beliefs and backgrounds. Quite often, the way we deal with these differences erupts in violence. Sadly. What is on fire in Ferguson MO right now is also at play in my town, even though we may use different weapons. Across town, the war has been going on for decades, so long that it no longer hits the nightly news. Violence may even be at play at your holiday dinner table, in a war of words.
Violence is a turbulent state resulting in injury or destruction, an act of aggression, extreme force, widespread fighting. In 2014, we see violence nearly everywhere human beings interact. “Every 28 hours a Black person is killed by a police officer, security guard, or vigilante in America,” says ANSWER organizer. [Act Now to Stop War and End Racism (ANSWER, is a United States-based protest umbrella group consisting of many antiwar and civil rights organizations formed in the wake of September 11th.] Every single day in Chicago a teen of color is shot (dozens are killed daily across the US). We spend hundreds of billions of dollars in our country just treating gunshot wounds. Homicide is the second leading cause of death among our youth. Homicide! (Next in line is suicide!) 1 of 4 college girls is sexually assaulted (1 in 6 women is raped). TV, our favorite pastime, is a bloodbath: By the time an average child is 18, she’ll witness 200,000 acts of violence, including 40,000 murders. We are all victims - and perpetrators - of our violent society. Conflict is inevitable, violence need not be. So how will we pause to “give thanks” among all these differing views and violent outbursts? Here’s one simple recipe: turn off the TV, tune in to your internal state of peace, then turn up the love in your life with your words and actions. In short, the antidote to violence is peace. Fortunately for us, it begins with us. Peace is a critical ingredient in a Thanksgiving feast, as modeled by its founders— who interestingly enough were people of differences celebrating the harvest, together. You know there will be differences, what will the unifying thread be? What flavor of peace will you bring to the table? An effective and simple (though not easy) practice is watching our words. Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is heart-based dialogue also known as compassionate communication. Instead of habitual, automatic responses, we choose our words consciously, based on an intentional awareness of ourselves, and others. We listen for the deep needs of ourselves, and others. We observe, our attention focused on our heart space. We become part of a balanced flow of compassionate giving and receiving. We ask for what we need and offer what we can give. Wonderful women of the world, peace begins with us, now. Our very next step, our very next sentence, could change everything. And…it’s a practice, so go gently. Open the door, or at least crack a window. “Words are windows, or they’re walls. They sentence us, or set us free. When I speak and when I hear Let the love light shine through me.” Ruth Bebermeyer ![]() Consider this day in 1986. What were you wearing/feeling? Where were you living/traveling? What were you doing for work/fun? What were you reading/studying? Fast forward to today. Nearly 30 years later, what’s changed for you? For me, it’s nearly… EVERYTHING! For all of us, it’s the amount of information we take in on an average day. We are exposed to five times (5X!!) as much data as we were in 1986. That’s 174 newspapers full of information, daily. No wonder we feel like we never have enough time… much less feeling overwhelmed, fuzzy, foggy! I crave clarity. I love a clear blue sky, a calm lake, the view through clean windows. I feel most inspired when I can see my day laid out before me and make decisions clearly. I enjoy knowing just what to do. Don't you? In reality, life in 2014 is messy, messy ,messy! How do we homo sapiens — those who know that we know — operate in a whole new world where we know far less than we don’t know? Where we can't possibly know everything? That which is invisible far exceeds that which is visible. We don’t see more than we recognize. Imagine that. Really take in the vastness of this reality. Dark energy + dark matter > 95% of the total content of our universe. That’s HUGE! And dark. Back to the younger version of you, 1986. How did she see the world? What mattered most to her? What were her deepest desires? For me, I’d have to say the realization that Thursday nights also counted as a “night out” and a certain lax bro with blue eyes was the perfect person to hang with! Deep, right? (Thankfully) nearly everything about me has changed since 1986, although I still occasionally enjoy a Thursday night out. To be sure, I felt much clearer then about my future path than I do now. My 1986 vision included law school, marriage, house, family — with details to be fleshed out along the way. In the end, it all looked and felt far different than the nine-year-old version of me first envisioned. Life shakes you, tries to break you, and certainly awakens you! And most often, life unfolds unlike anything you’d ever expect or plan. Here on the cusp of the halfway point, I cherish rare moments of clarity and insight and realize that I’m most often required to show up when it’s messy, foggy and dark and I can’t see a damn thing clearly. And precisely there — in the not knowing and uncertainty of life — I am, without a doubt, becoming me. Clearly. ![]() My October crash came this year in the form of a T-bone collision. I was completely blind-sided by an uninsured man with an expired license driving a large black sedan. He was racing to make the light. My heart has raced ever since. Facing the intersection of wanting to get out of his way and needing to protect my son, Mama Bear won; my 10-year-old minivan lost. We all walked away, traumatized but thankful. It could have been worse. His day was undoubtedly worse than mine — he left in handcuffs. My son started driver’s ed three days later, with eyes wide open. The real possibility of a crash is not a bad lesson for fearless teenage boys to know, firsthand. For weeks prior to the totaling of my car, I had a heightened sense of the fragility of life. Nature’s beautiful transformation show this fall brought me to tears nearly daily as I walked through Lindberg Park. I cherished the few days I had with my oldest who returned home from college for fall break on the day she turned 18. (She did not need to, but she did remind me: she is an adult now.) Also, I noticed near misses and had a foreboding sense of accident. Things really do change in an instant. Kids leave the nest, forcing us to reimagine relationships. Material possessions are lost, broken or ruined, requiring replacement. Our bodies need daily attention, especially when hit by a Mack truck. And so, I dial up the self compassion, see my chiropractor and try to cope with the fact that the gorgeous sugar maple has now let every last leaf go. Another new season is blowing in as I type. It feels heavy, cold and dark. No wonder our ancestors hibernated, cocooning in the darkness of possibility, the fertile field of winter that necessary lies dormant for the seeds of spring to come. What has or needs to crash for you to create what’s next? What are you blind to seeing? How can you create islands of calm within the seas of change? On Tuesday night, I had the oddest experience driving down 290. Actually, it was pretty darn scary. Traveling eastbound around 6:30 PM, I was overcome - and traffic was eventually stopped - because of increasing police presence: 4 undercover cars and dozens - yes dozens! - of whaling cop cars and ambulances whizzing past. They were running curbs and blasting by with an intensity I’ve never ever seen. The most gorgeous full moon ever lit the city at dusk. It was both gorgeous and terrifying. Exiting the highway at the medical district, I noticed double cop car coverage at every corner and twice that at all UIC and Stroger Hospital entrances. Something bad was going down.
Later, I learned that 100 cop cars plus additional SWAT teams had converged on a standoff scene in Englewood — Chicago’s deadliest suburb. A police captain had been shot. With all due respect and gratitude that Captain Kulbida survived, I wondered what else could lead to calling out a force so great? This was a 9.1.1. if there ever was one. Since January, 1,382 people have been shot in Chicago - most of them boys, most of them teenagers, most of them black. (http://crime.chicagotribune.com/chicago/shootings) That’s five people a day - victims of gun violence! The accused in the most recent case is a Gulf War veteran who is bipolar and suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. Tragedy of the Greek tragedy kind. I can’t help but wonder what might happen if 100 cop cars responded each time a child was shot in Austin or what would happen if 100 cop cars responded each time a woman was abused in a home in Chicago. Mayor Rahm Emanuel was there late into the night, providing comfort to the family of the injured police captain. What would happen if 100 of us showed up to comfort the families of the 1,382 victims… and screamed “Enough!”? What would it take to make our streets safe? On Wednesday, another 18-year-old black boy was killed by a white cop in St. Louis, Missouri. The cop shot the teenager 17 times. News like this is really hard to comprehend, especially when it occurs so close to home, or to my daughter’s dorm in this case (one mile). Hundreds of people are taking to the streets in St. Louis as I write. How much closer must the violence get before I take to the streets, I wonder… There's an old Chinese Proverb that I love: "When sleeping women wake, mountains move.” Red, Hot & Holy author Sera Beak ponders: “I wonder what happens when awake women gather…”
Lucky me! I know what happens when awake women gather - they connect, reflect and become more of who they came to be. They make the world a better place by sharing their energy and insights. Watching women wake up is wonder-ful! Many moons ago as I was waking up, I found myself writing lots of “wake up!” poems. The more I slept, the more I woke up. How I survived 4 hours of sleep a night during law school, working full time, I do not know. I cherish double that now. Ironically, my own waking up came just after my third baby (and I) began sleeping through the night. For four years, I hadn’t slept through the night once. I was exhausted. I couldn’t recall having any dreams. I was running on empty, sleepwalking through my days. Scientists are concluding that our sleep-deprived culture is leading to all kinds of disorders and diseases. We are less healthy as a result. Here’s a wild thought - we need to get more sleep to wake up! Given the sleep stats, it’s really not surprising that 60% of us are unhappy and 30% of us are depressed. These are fascinating figures in a world that has, and knows, more than ever before. How can we be fully away when we aren’t getting enough sleep? We are busier, have more distractions, and are more tired, than ever before. What I see in Circle is wonderful! Women making it their top priority to slow down and take deep dives, to discover and become more of who they came to be. Together, we dream and create a way of being where we drop our masks, open to our vulnerabilities, live more mindfully and spend ME time in order to thrive in the WE space. Five years after creating 2big4words, I still grasp at imperfect words, unable to describe this perfect experience. Here are the critical pieces that you, too, can do at home. We sit and slow down. We turn off all distractions including most importantly, the voices of our inner critics. We listen and reflect. Connecting at the speed of the soul, we share stories and feel inspired to become more of who we are. Not surprising, waking women are eager for their children and spouses to enjoy the same experiences. Many times in the past two weeks, I have discussed with my gal pals and women in circle how we can create safe spaces for them, too. I love being with wonderful women who are changing the conversation not only in my living room, but also at their kitchen tables, in their front yards, and even in their bedrooms. I absolutely love what I do and want to do more of it! “In case you wonder if it matters, it does,” my friend Ann reminded me this week. Each small kindness we put out into the world - beginning with self compassion - ripples out far wider than we will ever know. Inching up on my 400th Circle, I feel like we are creating big change, together. It makes me so darn happy, waking up with wonderful women. Are you awake? When’s the last time you had a good night’s sleep? Here’s a key: can you recall your dreams? My waking up is fueled by my sleeping and dreaming. One of the hazards to sleep and happiness is BUSYness. I often wonder if the chief benefits of Circle time are pausing and powering down. Test it. Be less busy. Sleep in. Turn off your cell phone. Notice what happens. The insights and awareness that swim into Circle’s slow space when we turn off and tune in are absolutely awesome. Waking women will be gathering this Monday morning @ 10. Plunge into the waters of Circle with us. Let's move some mountains! May you be happy. May you feel loved. May you get some sleep. Holding up the Sky One day an elephant saw a hummingbird lying on its back with its tiny feet up in the air. "What are you doing?" asked the elephant. The hummingbird replied, "I heard that the sky might fall today, and so I am ready to help hold it up, should it fall.” The elephant laughed cruelly. “Do you really think,” he said, "that those tiny feet could help hold up the sky?” The hummingbird kept his feet up in the air, intent on his purpose, as he replied, "Not alone. But each must do what he can. And this is what I can do.” – A Chinese Folktale I love hummingbirds! Many moons ago, I happened upon a hummingbird aviary in Arizona (@Sonora Desert Museum) where hundreds of these heavenly creatures hover! Since then, each spring I plant certain flowers in my back yard, intent on attracting these jeweled wonders. Years ago, they came. I watched with wonder. For the past five years - not one. I had nearly given up on their presence, instead forcing myself to be content with the majestic hawk who visits weekly to keep my patio mice-free or the occasional red fox sighting. Walking to Lindberg Park last week, however, I spied one. I stopped in my tracks and watched. Hummingbirds are here - in my ‘hood! Hurray!! I felt like Max in Where the Wild Things Are: “Wild Rumpus Wild Rumpus! Wild Rumpus!” The possibility of hummingbird’s visiting has returned. My waiting and watching renewed. Every day this week, I was visited by a hummingbird - in my own back yard! Awe. Joy. Wonder. My heart radiated gratitude to this winged wildness. She came to drink from my flowers - not the special nectar in my hummingbird feeder, not the bright red hibiscus, not the red trumpet vine - but the coleus flowers I usually snip off at the suggestion of my landscaper. Flapping her wings 80 times per second in a figure eight configuration, she zoomed so close to my face that I could her the hum of her wings but not capture a photo. The moment expanded and I was in awe! I love how a wild moment makes my soul sing! When the first city builders chipped away at the wilderness to build this wonderful city, did they know how much we would miss the wild? What are our souls missing living in cities with only glimpses of wilderness? How remarkably wonderful that the wild still sneaks in! Where did this little winged wonder spend last winter? Where is her summer home? What other wildness do I live with that I have not yet seen? On Sunday, I joined dozens of others biking around town on a Native Garden Tour, thanks to the efforts of grassroots groups like Wild Ones, Sugar Beet and Green Community Connections and other amazing sustainability sisters. There are loving efforts afoot to create a wildlife corridor here - to link wildlife habitats broken up by human development to help reestablish populations of butterflies and bees and hummingbirds. Hummingbirds appear only in the Western Hemisphere. Some of them summer in Chicago. Habitat loss is the number one threat to their survival. How about providing a home for some Wild Rumpus to take place in your yard? Can you hold up your piece of the sky?
“You are the sweetest gift, my little pearl. You are a bright young thing and the whole world is in front of you. Take things as they come and you will weather well. Go everywhere. Be brave and strong and free. Keep your eyes and ears and heart wide open. Look for goodness all around you. And when you feel small in the great big world, be still. Think of your beautiful roots. They are deep and true and will allow you to stretch far. So go into the world and let your little light shine. And always remember you are loved and blessed and the littlest one that ever stole my heart.’ Rebecca Puig
Lately I’ve been feeling like a character in that children’s book, The Borrowers: a small child trying with all my might to turn a page in a great big book, many times larger than I. This year in particular has presented momentous events like 50th birthdays, 50th anniversaries, multiple graduations, and a load of firsts from first boyfriends to first coed sleepover to first day in high school and next week, taking my first child to college. I told you the page was huge! Turning the page on this chapter of motherhood mandated calling in reinforcements. On Sunday, I invited 10 of the wisest women I know to share what they wish they knew at 17. And they came - “with bells on!” Experiment! Be prepared for… happiness…hard work…love! Be your own person! Be kind to yourself! Smile and shine! Together we filled a hope chest of wisdom, saving me dozens of lectures that would have gone in one ear and out the other, and instead sunk in deeply for later excavation. My heart overflowed as I listened to reflections and learned new stories, with each loving these women more and more. Two things were clear: this girl is loved, and so am I. That big page is now easier to turn, and also a bit tear-stained. Once again, I witnessed with awe the blossoming of my seed of an idea - gathering women together - blooming beyond my wildest imaginings. My daughter and I received this outpouring of wisdom from these wild and wonderful women, encouraging and uplifting us all to be bold, brave, play big and take care of ourselves. We were each a gift to each other. As I drive those 300 miles to St. Louis this week, I take a heart full of grace, knowing somehow that Launching Laney into this great big, crazy world is the very best thing I can do in this moment, and perhaps the hardest. As she spreads her wings, I will continue to water her roots. These phenomenal women have my back. Together we will turn this page. And all will be well. |
Details
Susan LucciAlthough most of the work I am privileged to do in the world is literally TOO BIG FOR WORDS, occasionally I am inspired to put some words to my experience, and this is the landing place. Chime in on the conversation. Your voice is needed. |